how wonderful im muggin for chinese o's. sigh.
and im so freakin pissed wif myself the other time i baked cookies.it all turned out horrible..hai.im losing the baking ting. lafs.n peng zhi is so smart to type our bio marks wrongly n we din get back our report book..i wonder wad my remarks will be..n whether i improved..hmmx.
last nite was so horrible.i cried for pq.im just so saddened n lost for her.i cant believe dat she lied to me..i mean like why? the deep hole in my heart. wrote a poem for her.but will she even care? din bring it anyway.
n stayed in skool til 7 plus to deco for the stupid mr wang farewell? hai.may sound crude but i dun care.like wad we do is never enuf or appreciated.made the book for mr wang n the teachers were not happy wif it? like cmon la.dance ppl give the bk oso same size as ours..n we had to do another gift for him.its as if he will bother to go n see.
n today was a horrible morning n aftn.woke up to hear mum screaming n rach crying.wa lao.how nice it is.den i slept sumore to drown out the voices n finally awoke at 11 coz dad came to my rm n "caroon.wake up" coached rach in chi..n she cries agn.wasn serious n was fooling arn la.finally left e hse to meet gini for lunch.n im ever so broke.hope our stayover nt wk will be able to come thru.pray dat mum will allow.hai.said alot of tings dat made me feel so horrible.n i noe they are true.dono whether to be angry sad or wad.just accept it?
gor just came back at 12 plus lst nite n went in the morn.wow.n he got pissed cos i was shouting at rach last nite.
-shrugs-
im tired.n sick.haiya.pei qian.
god help me help her.
help me.
help me.
help me.

3:41 PM

my heart burns for you'
you see past all my lies.

wish that i could cry
fall upon my knees
hai.dad n mum are upset again.guess this life is just.sigh.n im a lousy jie..n fren..hai.

it just keep raining this days
and the rain just washes against my window
the drops i see sliding down my window pane
where's the sun
i ask.
will it rise again?
i know you hold the sun and rain in your hands
will you hold me too?
will you?

11:07 PM

woos.
thankew xueli!! i love you dear!
my other entries r oso italics but i dun care! haha.

sighs.had YEP meeting just now.n gave us a journal..but dey can read.den its no fun.the book is nice.n im excited again.but not veri.oh wells.i dono why? n im not veh hapi wif the big gp..but thank god la.like so mani ppl.guess im not sociable. *ponders. so not sociable..dun tok much. dats so sad.sighs.

deeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep down.im still me! ME me ME me ME me ME. hah. im mad. dono goin insane ovr wad..alot of mixed feelings n mum is out

1:04 AM

my heart burns for you'
you see past all my lies.

noe wad?
i suck.
hais.
i noe i shuldn be tinkin like dis.but sumtimes.just sumtimes.wish i was born in the mts.no studying.no thinkin-too-much of rships n jusyt plain simple enjoyable life.of cos.i must haf god den. sigh. mayb im tinkin too much.

im eatring kimchi cup noodle now.n its full of msg.ackx.*tinks to myself.step down u stupid devil.get these thots outta my head. sigh.

hate it when im feeling dis way.i tink i let self pity get into me.n its mks me feel worse.

-i wanna scream out loud-

amaths sucks.hai.destined to fail.again.n rexam? fail.agaiiin.i noe its my mindset.but its true.im just so sorry god.feel dat my best is neva the best.n its not my best.

im just trying so hard
but it doesnt seem i am
am i deceiving myself or dats just wad i am?
its hard to make them see
and understand the me
am i caught in my world of selfish cares?

i dun even seem to understand myself
im just crying out into empty space
am i crying out in vain?
these feelings inside just drown
and i end up feeling stupid
wish that i
i lived in...

hai.this song is stupid la.dunno whether its true. oh wells.jesus. i want to run to you. run into ur open arms.feel like u are not happy with me.i dono? teach me.teach me.n im like a mule.stubborn.n selfish? am i? sigh.

feelin stupid.

1:44 PM

my heart burns for you'
you see past all my lies.

Sunday, October 10, 2004

this is pathetic. bloggin once a week.
sighs.

*sumtimes i wanna scream out loud

exams sucks. two days of exams.4 papers n i feel like dying. chem, ss, lit n geog is over. shuckx.tmr is amaths.im so gonna die.oh god help me.

but i reali m amazed at wad god did.studyin for chem n ss.i slept at 3..woke at 5 plus 6.thankew god.its one of my rare nites i cud sleep so late. usually conk out at 2 plus? hahas..din go skool on wed..n i drank red bull.2 cans.n it sucks!! had stomachache after dat. n i felt totali weird.im never drinkin red bull again.
n i felt sooo sick yest yest (fri).my gosh.was at chrch.den mystomach felt weird during geog n lit.i just ignored it.den after dat felt like puking.latr on e way hm was so heavy lor my head.took bus wif lene to intrchange to top up card.den so sick.went hm.i bathed.den i slept.so diff to slp la..my nose was irritating me.head heavy.n stomach more weird den ever.den heardd my sis sayin dat david yeo was out.knew gini..hai.dat crazy girl she so mad ovr him.she cried.haioyo.said she felt silly but v sad.hahs.glad shes over it now.

n i feel horrible.coz i din study hard for geog n lit.just hope god will reali bless me.hope wun fail the paper.n tmr s one too.sigh.im so sorry for not giving my best.well.

n im goin mad bout ewan mcgregor!! ahhs!! gini is my girlfren.n im her boyfren.ahh.we are singing duets now.so nice.ive fallen in love wif the songs! n ewan mcgregor!! ahhs.

shuckx.im behaving so..hahas.*giggles.ohs.

*i love you jesus.always.

8:11 AM

my heart burns for you'
you see past all my lies.

Sunday, October 03, 2004

this is your life. are you who you wanna be?

sighs.im feeling weird now.i miss lene n gini alot.i dono.i feel hopeless sumtimes.like im totali a diff person? n i just cant stand myself.

this is ur life.are you who you wanna be?

lord i need u so so much.i wud just die if i din haf you.but are you there? i noe u are there but.-shrugs.
i love you.

i want to commit everything into ur hands.dun wanna tink bout those stupid thots.coz i only get more hurt. well..like lene said..it suckx. ackx.

im gonna jyst conc on my studies.but isnt there anyting to life besides studying n studying n studying?
-smiles.but the thot of mi lene n gini n wanlin goin mad brightens everyting! hahas..super spastik i tell you.n those moments will forever stay in my heart.

they say it is best in chrch.but is it? im gonna just ask god.please answer me.

matt 11:28-30

all who are weary n heavy-laden. come to god. for his yoke is easy. n his burden light.

wishing all the best for those having exams.
do ur best.god will do the rest.

8:16 AM

my heart burns for you'
you see past all my lies.